Do you ever get a feeling you just can’t shake? A sensation of needing to be somewhere or do something but every time you turn your brain towards identifying it or giving it a name it moves a bit further out of reach. That’s exactly where my head has been for some time. I think that’s the most honest explanation of how I find myself here. Way out of my comfort zone, posting vegan YouTube recipe videos online as though I expect someone to care enough to watch.
Except someone did watch. At the current count 38 someones have watched. I’d be a liar if I said that doesn’t make me feel a little bit giddy, how silly. If you caught my best vegan YouTubers post you’ll know I’ve been entertained and inspired by a variety of creators. All with dramatically different styles producing all kinds of content. In the name of “research” (ahem) I’ve joined the billions, yes that’s with a B, who watch, comment and interact on the YouTube platform.
Well what’s so interesting about that I hear you ask. Nothing, except to say that I’ve caught the YouTube bug. I’m really quite enjoying myself despite the fact I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. This in itself for me is huge. You see the Little Miss Perfect that lurks within can talk me out of anything before I’ve even begun. She’s the reason I don’t bake, wont wear make-up and can’t drive. We have an unspoken rule where I back away from anything I don’t feel reasonably good at and she holds open the door and kicks me up the arse as I leave.
So when I finally realised there was a reason I was spending days of my life absorbing all kinds of YouTube randomness the only way to quiet her into submission was to jump in feet first before I fully came to my senses. Before I knew it my 1st video was up and it’s awful, but not as awful as I expected, which makes it kind of awesome.
And then I was off an running. Because I realised that this might just be the answer to that nagging feeling I’ve had. That need to express my creativity, to share more, to learn more. The need to become just a little bit bigger. Each time I watched a video made by someone else I wasn’t so much consuming their content as I was imagining myself as the creator. Which was surprising, most of all to me.
Unlike the majority of people I watch on YouTube I’m not from the social media generation. I’m old (enough to be their mother) I’ve never been hip, or sexy, or especially witty. Anyone who knows me agrees I’m very private, and surprisingly shy and mostly just a bit dull. But I also have stuff to say, or rather stuff to cook. And I’m hoping there are enough people watching who are a looking for someone like little old me to fill the gap.
So at the moment I’m doing what I do best, cooking and creating. Sharing recipes from my table to yours. Taking pleasure in the idea that I’ve inspired someone, somewhere to nourish themselves or their loved ones.
Whilst I feel entirely at home stirring and chopping and seasoning, the rest of it is a massive learning curve, but learn I have. I’m improving with every go and slowly developing my style. I see the opportunities to expand and grow the types of videos I do but for now I’m sticking with what I know.
My current YouTube idol is Lauren Toyota. Whilst I love her talking head videos and vlogs I can’t conceive of a time when I’ll be brave enough to step out from behind the camera and show my face. But never say never. Six months ago I couldn’t imagine being bold enough to turn on a camera and press record, yet here we are. More and more often I catch myself during walks with the dogs or long baths narrating vlogs I secretly think I’ll never make. Watch this space.
I’d love for you to support me on my fledgling journey by visiting the videos above. Give me a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel to see how things turn out. Thanks a billion 🙂